Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Sleazy Bakeshop, who are ya', and who said cupcakes couldn't be bad ass?

What do you get when you cross a Puerto Rican Chicagoan/global contract fixer type person (She is Mr Wolf from Pulp Fiction.  She has a guy for everything) and a very English (from a tiny village between Poshville and Who-cares Wiltshire) stay at home mum/illustrator/part time blogger?

Don't let the floral print shirt fool you, I am really rather hard core.
Trouble that is what.  This is us.  We live in The Hague in The Netherlands and are the reason that wine was invented.  We get together and choices are made.  These choices are not always good or even particularly smart, but they generally have the best of intentions and are fuelled by copious amounts of drunken enthusiasm.

We met and bonded over bacon, "squirrels", a love of Tom Waits and Paul Simon that is a restraining order waiting to happen, bemuse our Dutch husbands (talking at speed that is only audible to a dolphin on crack and us), obscure 80's films that nobody has heard of  ("Warriors come out to playeyay") and bacon.  The clincher was food and bacon.  We are hilarious together.  Well we think so, and apparently so do you.  I really wish you could hear some of our conversations.

Like Jon's Mum in the Garfield comic strip, we are also feeders.

Replace that chicken with bacon and you have it about right.
Not the creepy "60 mins" documentary of some creepy skinny ass degenerate pouring 25 litres (That's 5.5 gallons to you colonials) of McDonalds milkshake down some poor mobility scooter riding woman's neck to keep her the size of a baby whale.  But the - I love it when you are at the dinner table and all conversation stops and the silence is punctuated by a variety orgasmic grunts and moans of happy bellies - kind of feeder.

We get giddy over condiments, starry eyed over seasoning and stabby about bacon.  We gaze over cook books like a pimply teenage boy with his Dad's Playboy. It's our thing.  She introduced me to a new world (literally) of cooking that has blown my mind.  I made and ate my first Tamale recently and my life has never been the same.  We made cheese for God sake!  Frikkin cheese!  Who does that?  We do, because it's a crap load of fun.

Tamales and cheese.  Boom that's how we roll.

Together with another friend (you will meet her shortly) she started this group on FB called Team Awesome.  Not an original name I grant you (I will let her tell that story another time) but it is fantastic.  To be part of Team Awesome you have to know someone in Team Awesome and love talking about and looking at pictures of, well food.  It is the most amazing reference I have now.  Got a crap load of stuff in your fridge and having a brain fart as to what to do with it?  Ask TA.  Don't know how to cook something or where to get it.  Post it on TA.  The answer will be back soon.  They rock.

Now back to the story.  Recently, Li and I have been baking on a Sunday. Now why cupcakes you may ask?  If not then you are in the wrong blog.  Li's was given the Robicelli's: A love story with cupcakes as a gift (by a fellow TA member), and like all good friends and because sharing is good, (unless it is food, then I will stab you with a fork) she let me take a peek.

Game over.  I wanted nothing but to make every damn one of them.  Li concurred.  We were going to go all Julie/Julia on this bitch.  Just to up the ante, I thought it would be fun to write about it in my blog George with ears.  So we did.  Li, then took it one step further and told the Robicelli's.  Well shit!  It would appear that you people like reading about us.  This thing has now taken on a life of its own.   We have a Facebook page, we have twitter (we still have no idea how to use this but it seemed like a good idea at the time) and now we have our own blog.  Dedicated to this madness.  For verisimilitude, (yeah I can use big words) we are going to do this all the way, the only thing left out will be conversations that could get us arrested and or fired. Failures, flops, experiments, play lists (I feel that each cupcake needs a playlist) and so much more.  We are taking over social media one cupcake and sad movie reference at a time.

Writing this also allows me personally to verbally vomit all the swears that I have to swallow as I spend most of my time with a 2 year old.  Nothing says quality parenting when you make one slip and for three weeks every other word out of her mouth was "fuck".  That shit haunts you.

So with out further ado, I will give you the preliminaries to this weeks adventure.  The Irish Car Bomb!

I can't begin to tell you how much we have looked forward to making this bad boy.

All the food groups are represented.  Chocolate, butter, and sugar.   Oh, and so much alcohol.   Guinness, Whisky and Baileys.  The chances of us getting through this and staying sober are about the same as Putin riding bare chested on a rainbow My little pony.  Oh wait,  that actually happened.

God bless you Google.  You can make anything happen.
This cupcake needs fanfare, a sound track, and perhaps some adult supervision for us.  Isn't it glorious? How can we possibly do this and stay sober.  It would be a travesty.  We would be doing you a disservice to not fully invest ourselves and not nearly so funny.

Look at it! Just look at it's majestic glory.  The cupcakes are pretty too huh?
We are nothing if not team players people and in the spirit of "team", we will also be de-camping to good friend and her newly pimped kitchen.  Let me introduce you to the afore mentioned, Team Awesome co-founder and fellow blogger and author, Friedel.  She is pretty damn great (for a Canadian - gosh we are a cosmopolitan bunch) and as mad as a bucket of frogs.  

Friedel's the one on the right.  That's me in the middle holding a massive ball of Mozzarella.  Cheesy grins all round.
Stay tuned boys and girls.  Shenanigans and frivolity to come.


  1. Zo-Li-Frie = my personal Holy Trinity.

    1. Back at ya missy. A trifecta of awesomesauce!

  2. I am envious of your adventure ladies. Truly :-)

  3. So how do you get an invite to taste one of these babies?

  4. Li rules! When she cooks she goes into this bizarre trance....her head kinda bobbles back and forth and she gets this focused look like there's nothing on the planet except her and the ingredients shes beating into submission! You really have to see it...pretty awesome!

  5. Just one question?????
    When do get to try some of this awesomenesssss????
    Great photos by the way.

  6. Aaaaan the above comment was posted by my dad. Bless his heart, only took him a few hours to figure out how to post a comment. Answer to your question Dad; when you get your fat self over here. Cupcakes don't travel well.