Thursday, March 13, 2014

#4 The Iona, A shiny happy master piece.

Created and named after the wacky character from the John Hughes classic Pretty in Pink, this cupcake, in my opinion, is nothing like her.  She is bonkers in all the right ways, totally out there and un-apologetic. Actually I take it back.  It's totally like her.

Fav Pretty in Pink quote:

Duckie: You know what an older woman does for me? 
Iona: Changes your diapers? 
Duckie: Touché. 

I say no more.

Who in their right mind puts blue cheese into a cupcake?  I fucking love cheese.  All cheese.  In fact my worst nightmare is to be told I was lactose intolerant and would have to forgo all things dairy.  Kill me now *shudders dramatically*.  The Robicelli's too have a somewhat unhealthy obsession with coagulated milk, (sounds sexy huh?) and I can totally get on board with this.  CHEESE ALL THE THINGS!  Seriously though, to take a cheese board, and make a cupcake out of it? this is some dark magic peeps.   Pear and olive oil cupcake; Sounds innocent enough, though I was worried the olive oil might taste odd.  Blue cheese butter cream frosting; To be fair you had me at cheese.  Candied walnuts; Come on!  Port reduction; A gift from the Gods.  This cupcake is so damn refined it's like an episode of Downton Abbey (disclaimer: Li and I have never actually watched this so I am going on assumptions.)  It requires an extended pinky finger and monocle.

Li: Yeah, we classed up this joint. FOR A CHANGE. 

So with out further ado lets get started.  We packed up all our shit and went on the road this week.  Well down the road anyway to the magician responsible for making our videos and photos, and the other part of the Trifecta of Awesome: Friedal.  She's had her kitchen remodelled and it needed to be put through it's paces.  That, and my husband was sick of the sight of us.

A beautiful day for baking cupcakes.  Stolen supermarket baskets a go-go.
We launched into action.  Well Li did, I sat and did what all Brits do.  I had a cup of tea.  The Empire was built on cups of tea don't you know?  Aaaaaand I open the floor to the Colonial to get all sarkey.

Things were done and I watched.  To be fair she was all over the God damn place.  Her tits level was set at Labrador puppy.  There was just not enough room for the four of us.

Li: The Girls have their own post code. True story.

I will take a moment to mention the ridiculously small sieve we had to use.  I didn't bring mine as I assumed there would be one in house.  It was like a modest tea strainer.  Friedel, take yourself off to the Foodie shame cave immediately.

She is so fucking irritating when she is all happy and perky.
Yummy battery things started happening.  Thrown in were some arty foodie shots.

Li  eats eat cake batter and look sultry,  I look like I'm about to go down on it.
Batter and good smells happening on one side, I got on with far more important things.  Booze.  Port to be more precise.  I had secured a small bottle of ruby yumminess and started on with the reduction.

In my defence, there was dripping down the side of the bottle and this shit was too nice to waste even a drop.
 You have all done it so don't turn your nose up at me.

We Bougie! (I recently had to have this explained to me.  I am not "down with the kids")
When ever I have tried this before (and to be fair it is with red wine) it has always tasted sour.  This was amazing.  I reduced the shit out of it, and still thought it was very thin, but when it cooled I realised that I may have over reduced a wee bit as when it cooled it was a wee bit to thick.  A few spoons of boiling water fixed that though.  It was like raspberry, utterly delicious.  I also made the (wrong) executive decision to only do a cup full.  We need to drink and there wouldn't have been enough for three glasses.  I also thought it would make to much.  I was wrong.  DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE! More on that later.

Li: Solution? Buy more Port! You’re welcome. 

These went into the oven.

These came out.  

Humpy cupcakes.

Li: The name of my Meatloaf cover band.

I interrupt this post to show you what happens whilst waiting for cupcakes to bake.

Tally Ho!  Chocks Away! What What!
Once more we headed of to Heart Attackville.  Population, anyone who eats this frosting.

Slice up all of the butter.  Seriously, with a cheese slicer, slice it, and I mean all of it.  Drool at the yummy blue cheese, (we used Gorgonzola and it was a triumph) the throw in a freshly woken and grumpy toddler. (not mine this time) Well all right don't throw him in as he was mad enough as it was, but cupcakes changed that quick smart. Make awesome frosting.  Celebrate in the appropriate Sleazy Bakeshop manner!

Tits bump.
Once more we had nailed it.  There is a saying in Dutch that literally translates as "its so delicious it's like angels pissing on my tongue"  I shit you not.  This is a thing here.  The weird sayings, not the pissing on tongues. Well that may be too, but I am not a part of this club.  Stop talking Zoe.  Anyway, it was that good.

Li: Oranje Boven, bitches! There isn’t a Dutch saying that DOESN’T crack me up. I love you, The Netherlands. 

Nuts were candied with........butter and sugar.  What else? (Giggidy nuts) yes I am twelve.

Then, onto the good stuff.  I may or may not have had a bit too much fun doing this.

I now refer you back to the afore mentioned port reduction regret.  I wish I had made more of it.  I thought I was saving money, (ok this is lie, we just wanted to drink it, it was delicious) but oh how I wanted to drown them in this shit.  This egregious error will not happen again.

Li: “Alsof er een engeltje over je tong pist.” Seriously. Use that phrase in your daily life.   

I am running out of superlatives at this point so I will just say they are "the tits."  Here they are folks, you be the judge. 

All the elements of this cupcake are fantastic, truly a work of art, but combined they are master piece.  I would go so far as to say Biblical!

On a final note, I want to thank Friedel.  She takes our pictures, lets us trash her kitchen, feeds us at the end of the day, and got so giddy about day time drinking.  I love Canadians, they are so cute.  Anyway you put it, she is amazing, and also responsible for the video you are about to watch.  Thank you Missy, we couldn't do it without you.

Li: Awesome Friedel is awesome!

So are you ready?  Enjoy the happiness as it really was that kind of a day.

Next up:  #5:  The Elvis.  Banana cupcake, peanut butter frosting and candied bacon.  The stuff of legends!


  1. Almost as good as eating a cupcake - watching what you gels get up to. Surely someone is going to pick up on this epic blog and pay you squillions. You sure do make me smile :o)