Sunday, March 30, 2014

#5 The Elvis, Obama, Calypso and Taxes

I can blame not writing this post on many factors.

Factor 1: Nuclear Summits.   Who can use that as an excuse and really get away with it?  Me, so nerh!  The following conversations actually happened, because lets face it, fuck all else was decided.

Factor 2: Taxes. The end.

Reason 3:  I had other shit to do.  It takes a shockingly long time to write one of these and put together all the photos, so bitches, be grateful.  Also we have just finished making the Maltz, and I am still tripping out over that.  FYI,  I promise not to leave it two weeks to write about it.

So here it is now, the condensed version.

Step 1:  So, we candied some bacon.  It was and is a thing of beauty.
Candy all the bacon, all the time!

Step 2: We danced and goofed around a bit.  No real shock here.
"Thank you very much."

Step 3: We made some banana cupcakes.

Get a Puerto Rican to do her best Cthulhu impression. Oh and more boobs.

Step 4: We ate some candied bacon, and made some interesting faces. 

Awwww yisss.
Step 5: We made some artsy shots of food, busted out some more Elvis moves and licked a few spoons.  Oh and Li, clamped a peg to her nipple.  I'm not totally sure why this happened, but we have a photo of it.

We also seem to have a photo of broken eggs.  Again, I am not sure why, but enjoy.

Insert a bacon stealing toddler who also doubles as out camera man, for an cute interlude.

Oh, and a splendid cleavage shot.

Step 6: Next up, introduce our "new" vintage stand mixer.  He is almost 50 years 
old and can handle his business. He is also very loud.  

This is Woody.  He is like the deaf old man who lives next door and yells at you to get off his lawn.  

 Step 7: Strangled the Puerto Rican. (This step is actually in the book and vitally important.)

For no other reason than she deserves it.

Pause for some calypso dancing with the aid of Harry Belefonte. 

Step 8: Made another batch of French buttercream frosting.  "Nailed it."  Peanut butter is added.  Hmmm.

Step 9: Took photos with fancy food settings on stupidly expensive cameras were utilised 
to capture the glory of The Elvis

Step 10: Social media'd the shit out of it.  Well as much as one can when one has a piss poor Blackberry. 
Li, handle your bid'ness.

Step 11: Ate cupcakes and made more silly faces.  

Step 12: Get awesome friends to make awesome videos. The end.

Sorry for the rush job, but like everyone else out there, we have a life too.  "Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis has left the building." *drops mic*

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